Sunday, April 30, 2006


I have crafted a new acronym.


Inappropriate Grandma Language.

That's right folks, you heard it here first.


Well, it's breakfast time in the Ruffian household, I had just finished making bitchin' french toast for my Aunt Susan, (who I was surprised to learn is technologically saavy enough to read my blog but unskilled enough to not be able to find the comments section), when talk turns how we all slept last night.

I'm sure all of your families have had similar moments.

Now before I tell the story, I am declaring an injunction that must be strictly adhered to.

I'm looking at you Hek.

The injunction is as follows: No one is to make inappropriate or uncomfortable comments regarding an I-G-L. They are only told. They are not expanded or elaborated on. That's it.

So in regards to that, anyone who violates this injunction understands that it will result in punitive measures against their species, and perhaps their homeworld. I'm from the year 3000, I can make it happen!

Anyways, on with the story.

So my Grannie Ruth, she's talking about the ol' waterbed we have. Now, no one but guests use the waterbed anymore because it was actually discovered that if you use it everyday, you'll actually get MORE backpain, or so my Mom tells me. But for overnight, or a few days, it's alright. The ol' waterbed has a control that makes the bed um... jiggle in such a way as to make it more relaxing. In other words, the bed has a "vibrator".

Guess what happens next.

Now, this is probably out of her lexicon (perhaps even out of my parents, but I doubt that), my Gran was just using the word vibrator left, right and centre. It was all I could do not to laugh out loud/cover my ears and bewail my fate. I can't remember specific sentences and perhaps that's a blessing, but I'll tell you one thing; Gran loves the vibrator.


So that's the I-G-L, and I'm sure it won't be the last.

More news to come, check back for updates.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

Urban Warrior

So I'm lying down on my basement couch in my lucky blue bandana, you know the one, good ol' bluey who has seen me through countless slams and improv shows, when my father comes down and stares me straight in the eye and says the following. "Alright, at 1900 hours, we will be going to an Indian restaurant for an evening of fine dining. YOU shall be suitably attired in such a fashion as to make it look like you CARE about your grandmother and mother, not like you're some kind of refugee from one of Che Cuervera's bands of Urban Warriors! RRRRRRR, you will be ready by 1830 hours or else!" He then gives my bandana the stink eye and stomped off to the chamber of doom to attire himself.

Man, I love my Dad. He's so unintentionally hilarious.

In regards to poetry news: The Capital Slam Semi-Finals, of which I am enrolled as a semi-finalist, are going down on May 11 at the Velvet Room in the Byward market. Doors open at 8, cover is still $10.

Got an idea for a poem, about some dude who hates dogs but gets a puppy every time he breaks up with someone to attract a new chick and then when he breaks up with that one, he lets them have the dog and gets a new one over and over and over again.

Did I mention he hates dogs?

I think it's funny.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Why We Fight


Ok, here's the skinny, I just got back from viewing Eugene Jarecki's film, Why We Fight.

And I will tell you right here and now, I've never seen such a revealing look at American militarism or the influence of the arms industry in a documentary before. Everyone's heard the conspiracy theories and everyone's suspicious of large corporations.

And they should be.

I can't really go into TOO much detail because I'll probably get some minor details wrong and that might totally undo what I'm trying to say here. From a humble mole often comes a mountain....

So I'll like you to the website of Jarecki's film which is


Handy that link button, eh?

Ok, on to my own comings and goings.

The last improv show of the year was fan-freaking-tastic. I cannot begin to describe how awesome it was. Everyone was at the top of their game, their timing was impeccable, the laughs were loud and the alcohol was flowing.

Jon came by to see, as well as English Rachel and her friends from the International Students Association... and by that, I mean British people.

The poetry show the night before that however was a real disappointment. I had written an excellent poem that was marred by a speaker that was freaking out and some crazy dude who heckled me throughout. Both these factors lead to me forgetting the last 5 lines of my poem and causing me to rack up some pretty shitty scores.

So I left early, I was very angry. Heckler dude, I am told, had to be escorted off the premises after I left. I have not lost my temper in a long, long time. I'm proud of that, but my blood was boiling. I would like to say that I would have stayed calm and not done anything viol... stupid, but I was so angry that I don't think I could honestly say that.

So I left, calmed down, and chalked it up to experience. Next time, don't hold the mic so close.

My Gran is in town, Dad is very healthy and my brother Andrew had his deployment to Afghanistan pushed back to July, which is nice I suppose, but he'll have to go eventually.

Took my Irish Gran to Wakefield today, ate at Alpengruss, the German restaurant there. Can't recommend it enough. The Gatineau area is one of Canada's most majestic areas.

Afterwards, we returned to the city of Ottawa, whereupon I took her on a automobile tour of Ottawa's main government institutions, Carleton university and some of the embassies, including Japan, Saudi Arabia, the USA, Poland and others.

Yesterday I went to Meghan Hardings for Easter dinner. We had Prime Rib and Lasagna and we ate it on the floor on a pic-a-nic blanket. Other activities included watching Chappelle Show, talking about school, eating bunny bread made by Meghan's sister Hollis, learning how hard the Star Trek TNG boardgame is and also how lame it is as well. Chriss McIlveen, who is now the artisitic director of Carleton's theatre group Sock N' Buskin has made some suggestions about Carleton Improv and Sock N' Buskin teaming up for some shows next year.

I was installed as the Executive Officer (read, Commander Riker, or Colonel Tigh) of the Carleton Improv Association by the team at the end of the year. As CIA-XO, it isn't really my purview to approve these things without consulting CIA-Commanding Officer, Abigail Bimman.

Being CIA-XO isn't really a dream come true. Nor would being CIA-CO be any better. The only reason I've been able to so fully commit to the CIA was because I didn't have to run it. Now I have to help run it more than I've done in the past 3 years. I'm up to it, it probably just won't be as fun as it used to.

That is the burden of leadership.

My duties will include aiding in running practices, recruitment, travel, booking shows and promotion.

Time for me to saddle up and show some leadership, help people build their skills and continue to provide a FREE improv performance every 6 weeks to the student body of Carleton university.

I know I can do it. I'm a fourth year darnit!

I have decided I want to go to Library school. I want to be a librarian. Usually I would share the thought process that lead to this... but I don't have the patience to write out 50 pages.

Needless to say I'm thrilled, excited and eager to go. I'll probably take a year off to work though and make money to pay for it though.

Um lets see.... There is alot more to talk about... I'm forgetting something...


Fourth year seminars. I got into both of the one's I wanted, Interwar Culture and Society taught by S. Whitney and The Cold War Society of the United States taught by F. Goodwin. They both have good reps and I think these courses will rock out loud.


You have to have the permission of the instructor to enroll in their classes. I made my case and was rewarded. Score one for diligent scholarship.

Finish my exams next Wed, not this Wed, but next Wed, the 26th of April.

Wish me luck

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Holy Smokes, Redux

Holy Smokes, I need to update.

How bad do I need to update?

Well to borrow a phrase and then change it a little from 50 (Fif'y) Cent, I need to update like a fat kid needs to stop eating cake.

Which is alot.

I usually only update when I'm stressed and depressed or have a show to pimp. So far, none of these are happening and I've been to busy spending time with my Gran, drinking wine and talking about Ancient Rome with my friends. It's been pretty awesome actually. Oh yes, we drank some brandy as well.

I promise to update in the next 3 days with the followup to Improv, exams and other exciting stuff.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Holy Moly... My room is finally clean

Well after about 5 years of tolerating a general state of messiness, I bit the bullet and decided that since I officially have nothing to do, I should give it a go.

And what a go!

Man, I had to vacuum every square inch (even the ceiling!), there was so much dust everywhere! I threw out 8 grocery bags of old school projects, poetry that had long since been abandoned, old clothes and jim-jams and gee-gaws and other assorted useless crap.

I rearranged everything too, my work station was relocated to the opposite end of the room while my old clothes cabinet was placed in the closet under the coatrack for more efficent clothing storage. My tall cabinet was placed against the opposite wall of it's original postion in between my computer work space and my bookcase/desk.

Speaking of my books, I took a complete inventory and was able to place them in specific categories that include (but are not limited to) Philosophy, Canadian, American, British, German and Russian literature, Science Fiction, Poetry and for seperate Authors who have written lenghty series that I own.

I've totally reorganized the Feng Shui, or whatever the hell it's called. My room feels like it has less in it and is able to breath. Plus with all the MAD vacuuming I did, I suspect I won't get as sniffly as I used to be.

I took down a bunch of old movie posters that I acquired during Junior High and High school and I definitely think that the ol' room has become a serious space for a 21 year old, albeit, a 21 year old who still lives with his parents. Ha! I cleaned the entire place and all they had to do was yell at me for 21 years.

There are billions of other minor things I did, but I shan't bore you with the minutae.


As always, Capital Slam is this friday at 8pm at the Gap of Dunloe pub on the corner of Bank and Cooper! Don't be late because seats fill up fast, 7 dollar admission.

The Carleton Improv Association is pleased to present its year end show this Saturday at 7:30 pm at Mike's place, second floor unicentre @ Carleton University. Be there and Be square.